Every relationship begins with a first impression. The impression you leave with someone – like a footprint in fresh concrete – sticks, so you want yours to be good. A positive first impression can prompt a person to swing open doors to new opportunities for you; a negative first impression can prompt a person to slam those same doors shut. It’s amazing (and psychologically proven) how rapidly this happens: The first moments with new people can have powerful and lasting effects on how we perceive them and how they perceive us. What kind of impression do you make on others?

Not everything about a first impression lies within your control. People will always bring their own set of values, biases and perspectives to a first encounter that you can’t know or change. But you can do a lot to create a positive first impression by paying attention to your appearance, your body language, your words and your behaviors.

Many of us express our uniqueness in the way we dress, speak and behave. But we can also use these things to find common ground with other people – the basis for creating a positive first impression.

For example, no matter what your style, you can choose to dress neatly and appropriately for the occasion. You can use body language that conveys confidence, openness and trustworthiness. You can choose to speak articulately and in ways that show social sensitivity. You can also engage in behaviors that show respect for others such as punctuality or listening closely to others in conversation.

This list is simple but powerful. Giving attention to such details can determine whether the door opens to a promotion, a new job, an influential friendship or a romantic relationship. Sure, there are times when two people who don’t like each other from the start end up being the best of friends, lovers or business partners. But don’t count on second chances. More often than not, a negative impression is tough to erase.

Count instead on your power to create positive first impressions, and believe in their ability to provide you opportunities that will help you achieve your goals.

What do you think?

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

We all get stuck in life sometimes. We may get stuck in an unhealthy or unhappy routine. We may feel like our careers are going nowhere or that our personal lives leave something to be desired. The problems that bog us down may be different, but the strategy for getting unstuck is the same. My experience has taught me five principles that I believe work like an instruction manual to help people to get unstuck:

1. You need to know yourself well.

2. You need to recognize when to live in-sync with who you are (which is most of the time).

3. You need to recognize when to stretch beyond your natural self to accomplish your goals (which is some of the time).

4. You need to incorporate other people into your life – relationships that include both giving to and receiving from others.

5. You need to have a life plan.

No matter the reason why we’re stuck, many of us remain so because we fear risking personal failure if we really go for our dreams. What happens if I shoot for the stars – and miss? This whole month of blogs on Relationships and Community has been dedicated to easing that fear.

Pursue your goals alone, and a year from now you may find yourself stuck in the same rut. Incorporate others into your life – by forming an inner circle of friends, family and allies and an outer circle of group memberships – and your goals will no longer feel like a long shot because you’ll have ample help on your way forward. And you can begin to let go of the fear of personal failure because you’ll have a whole community of people with a direct stake in your success. You are not alone!

Count me among your supporters, too. By reading this blog daily, you have brought me into your network as an ally – a professional life coach dedicated to helping you achieve your goals.

Don’t stop there: Keep expanding your support network by inviting positive people into your life (and fan club!) and by joining groups that align with your personality and goals. If you have already begun to do this, congratulations: You have taken a major step forward in your life. If you haven’t yet begun, just start as soon as you feel ready. I encourage you to think of this blog as your personal toolkit for moving forward and to revisit any of the daily topics whenever and as often as you need.

As we move into the next phase – getting to know yourself and your preferences – keep your supporters close by. Ask for a hand when you need it and celebrate with them each accomplishment, however small. Your journey toward your life vision is just beginning. Sharing your disappointments and achievements on the way is part of the strategy for success.

What do you think?

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

If nobody’s perfect, you can be reasonably sure that no group of people will be perfect, either. What if you like a group generally, but certain problems are preventing you from enjoying the group experience? What do you do? You basically have two options: adjust your interaction with the group, or find another. Let’s look first at what changes you can make to improve your group experience.

1. Adjust your expectations – or adjust the group. If a group has left you feeling disappointed, try making a mental shift of your expectations. Is there still something you can gain from your membership in this group? If others feel similarly disappointed, you may be able to foster changes in the group by speaking about your hopes and expectations. Bring creative ideas to the table, but remember to be patient. Adjusting the group will require everyone’s input.

2. Reinvent your role. The problem may not be with the group itself, but with your role in it. As you discover more about your preferences (extroversion versus introversion, for example) you may find you get more out of a group by taking on different responsibilities. If you tend toward introversion, volunteer to do something behind the scenes like sending weekly emails or cooking food for a fund-raiser. If you tend toward extroversion, volunteer to organize events or host a holiday party for group members.

3. Protect yourself from toxic people. It’s true that a few negative people can sometimes bring down the energy of a whole group. Before you quit a group because you have run into difficult relationships with individuals in the group, think about ways you can lessen your contact with them. Try sitting with the people you do like. Cut conversations short with those you feel are negative influences. You can do this by sticking to closed-ended responses (“no thank you”) instead of open-ended questions (“how do you feel?”).

…Or you may need to find a new group. If you can’t successfully adjust your expectations, reinvent your role or shield yourself from negative people in the group, it may be time to end your relationship with this group. An unsatisfactory or problematic group can do a lot to drain our energy. The best groups for you will raise your energy level, giving you added fuel that you can use to achieve your goals. Your groups don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be able to make them work for you.

What do you think?

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com