There’s really nothing like parenting to ground a person in reality. If you are a parent, you probably have dreams for your children’s upbringing, a vision for how you’d like to raise them. Perhaps you envision raising a child who is kind, thoughtful and respectful, a child who is confident and reaches for the stars. Important as it is, this kind of dream can easily slip into the realm of an unrealistic fantasy – unless your dream is accompanied by a careful plan to achieve that end. Pursuing a dream often requires making changes in your life, particularly in how you spend your time and with whom. Rarely is this truer than with goals that involve the parent-child relationship. Let me share an example with you.

A client of mine, who was once pictured on the cover of People magazine, told me that his dream was to provide a “normal” life for his daughter. He didn’t want her to be treated differently at school or grow up in such privileged circumstances that she would become spoiled. He wanted her to have a childhood “just like the other kids in school.” I asked him how many of the other parents at school were pictured on the cover of People. He chuckled and said, “None.” So that opened the door to a frank conversation about fantasy versus reality. Clearly, my client’s daughter could not have a “normal” childhood in the traditional sense. But as we talked further, we were able to redefine into a tangible, achievable dream my client’s desire to provide some normalcy in his daughter’s life.

When we got down to it, what my client really wanted was to protect his daughter from becoming like so many other celebrity kids he knew or read about – spoiled, self-centered, rude and possibly even addicted to drugs or alcohol. He wanted to raise his daughter to become a confident, compassionate and grounded woman. So we talked about how to achieve that aim and drew up a plan to guide him there. My client would have to make some big changes: He decided to cut back on a few concert dates to spend more time with his daughter. He planned trips back to his hometown so that she could know her roots and see how different her life is from how her father grew up. He also decided to spend more time meeting his daughter’s friends and made his house available for get-togethers, so his daughter would spend more time at home instead of somewhere else.

As you start to think about making plans to achieve your dreams, keep in mind that you may need to make substantial changes in how you divide your time – particularly if your dreams involve an important relationship, such as with a child. Your life’s pie should shift to reflect your new emphasis. In my client’s case, his life’s pie shifted to include more time in the personal, rather than professional or community spheres.

In addition, to make sure your dream remains an achievable dream and not an unrealistic fantasy, you will want to focus on what you can control. My client could not directly control his celebrity or the fact that his daughter is also well-known because of it. He can, however, control how much time he spends with her and, to a certain extent, where and with whom she spends her time. Once he made those goals his focus, my client was able to bring his fantasy down to a realistic dream. And he knows he can make that dream come true.

What do you think?

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

“And if your home is just another place where you’re a stranger, and far away is just somewhere you’ve never been. I hope that you’ll remember, I am your friend.” – Rich Mullins

Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.
––John Updike

If you’ve been following my blog daily, you should have spent a lot of time dreaming this month. You should have considered the dreams you have for the different parts of your life: professional and personal dreams, dreams for your community and spiritual life. You may have reformulated some of your more materialistic dreams to focus on the benefits those material things can bring. Hopefully by now you have a clearer picture of the dreams you have for your life. Now it’s time to invest in believing that your dreams will come true.

That belief is not based on faith – although having faith in yourself is important. You can believe that your dreams will come true because in the coming weeks I will coach you on how to create a step-by-step plan that will help you bring your dreams to fruition. When you take the dreams that you have for yourself and combine them with a plan to bring them to bear, you will be on your way to achieving a life vision for yourself that encompasses fulfillment in all of your life’s spheres.

Before you enter the planning stage, take some time to answer these questions:

• Have you fully identified dreams for what you want to have, what you want to achieve and the quality of person you want to be in life?

• Have you distinguished your dreams from unrealistic fantasies?

• Have you considered your dreams for all four of your life spheres – professional, personal, community and spiritual?

• Have you reformulated material dreams to focus on the benefits those material things can bring?

• Have you considered whether your dreams are capable of fulfilling you or bringing contentment to some area of your life?

We are all blessed with the ability to dream and the possibility to make our dreams come true. You can believe it. After all, it’s the nature of things.

What do you think?

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

“And if your home is just another place where you’re a stranger, and far away is just somewhere you’ve never been. I hope that you’ll remember, I am your friend.” – Rich Mullins

Sometimes life knows just what we need – although it can have a funny way of telling us.

A friend of mine on the East Coast, Gene, is in his late 30s and for the past several years it seems that he’s just been treading water. He has changed jobs twice, although he hasn’t been passionate about the direction of his career in education management. He has a full calendar – but I think it’s been clear to him for a while now that a full agenda is not the same as a fulfilling life. Yet Gene hasn’t made any time to examine his dreams or consider a life vision for himself. He hasn’t made any real changes in years.

Well, it seems like life got tired of waiting for him to make a move.

Three weeks ago, he broke his ankle on the way home from work. Suddenly, he found that he had to depend on his neighbors and friends for the simplest things: picking up groceries or getting down the stairs of his old apartment complex. That was the first thing. Then, two weeks ago, his car got broken into and again he had to depend on neighbors to help. They swept out the glass and taped up the window in plastic (he was still hobbling around on one good foot). Then – as if that wasn’t enough – last week Gene got laid off from his job. The corporation he worked for reorganized and eliminated all of the managers in his department.

He gave me the gist of the story in an email and asked if I’d give him a call. When I got him on the line, I expected him to be down, distraught – maybe even depressed. But his voice right away told me the opposite. He recognized the opportunity his current predicament presented. He wasn’t happy with the job anyway, so now he could re-evaluate his career. He wasn’t happy with the pace of his life, and now he had no choice but to cancel all his plans and relax for once. In all the bad, Gene managed to find a lot of good.

There are a lot of lessons to appreciate in Gene’s story, not the least of which is the reminder that we must depend on others as we go after our dreams. Thankfully, Gene has a strong network of supporters who were able to lend a hand or a listening ear when he ran into troubles. And his story provides another reminder: We all have the right to dream, but it’s our responsibility to plan for and pursue our dreams. Otherwise we remain stuck. Remember the old adage: Those who fail to plan, plan to fail. In this case, “failure” can simply mean failing to create a life that brings you happiness and fulfillment.

Don’t let life happen to you. Take action. Make time to dream of the life you’ve always wanted, and take time to create a plan that will lead you toward your goals – otherwise life might just deliver the message in its own way.

What do you think?

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

“And if your home is just another place where you’re a stranger, and far away is just somewhere you’ve never been. I hope that you’ll remember, I am your friend.” – Rich Mullins