On June 22, 2009, 20-year old celebrity soul singer Chris Brown pleaded guilty to one count of assault on his former girlfriend, 21-year old celebrity soul singer, Rihanna. What was most disturbing about this case was that Rihanna said that the February 8th attack for which Chris Brown was convicted, was not the first time that he assaulted her, and yet she continued to stay with him. Sadly, Rihanna’s story is all too common.

A national study conducted in 1996 reported that 1 in 4 women were sexually or physically assaulted by their current or former spouses, cohabiting partners, or dating partners at some point during the relationship. Another study reported that every year approximately 1.3 million women were physically assaulted by their male relationship partners.

The fact that even superstar, celebrity women like Rihanna, Pamela Anderson, and Tina Turner find themselves trapped in abusive relationships should be a wake up call and warning to the rest of us. These are women who have tremendous power and resources, yet they still wind up staying with or going back to the men that are hurting them. Imagine what is happening with the women who don’t have the same options.

The solution to this problem is not as simple as it seems. The traditional approach is to tell the person to get away from the abusive partner as fast as she can. But that is not always safe or possible. A 2000 study reported that 1,247 women were killed by their romantic partners that year; many of those women were trying to end the relationships with their abusive men, but didn’t make it out alive. Human beings are designed to be in relationships with other human beings. That’s why I advise the women who write to me about their abusive relationships that the first thing they need to do is identify a safe person whom they can confide in. Once they develop a safe support network, then they should start the process of leaving the toxic partner. And in my book, Moving Forward, I teach them how to do that without putting themselves at risk of further harm.

Women who end their relationships with their abusive partners without having a safe network to support them invariably return to those same toxic partners. On the other hand, those who leave their abusive partners and go into safe support networks, rarely look back.

What do you think?

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

“And if your home is just another place where you’re a stranger, and far away is just somewhere you’ve never been. I hope that you’ll remember, I am your friend.” – Rich Mullins

Life-Changing Coaching by Paul Edward is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivative Works 3.0 License. .
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at Ozmo

Let the record reflect that I changed the calendar that hangs on the wall in my office to June on June 1st. While that may seem to be an inconsequential fact, it actually represented a moment of great progress for me. For the sad truth is that I didn’t change my wall calendar to May until around May 14th. And before that, I didn’t change my wall calendar to April until around May 2nd. So now you see why changing my calendar to the right month on the first day of the month was such a big deal. Now when I look up to see what that the date is, I can see what the date is. Instead of looking up and seeing last month’s dates and feeling bad about myself for not doing something as simple as changing my calendar, I can see the current date and move on with my life.

In coaching, what I allowed to happen in April and May would be called a toleration. Tolerations are those things that we “put up with” from situations, other people, or from ourselves. In my case, I was tolerating the fact that I had not changed my wall calendar on a timely basis. Anything that we leave undone in our lives that should be done is considered a toleration. Tolerations are the enemies to moving forward in life, because they drain our energy, block our progress, and cause us to feel bad about ourselves. Tolerations can be simple things, like turning a page in a calendar or calling to schedule a doctor’s appointment or more complex situations like staying in a toxic relationship or not getting started on an exercise plan. Whether they are simple or complex, tolerations are not helpful.

This month, I invite you to work on removing tolerations from your life. Click the link to download your free Tolerations Removal Kit and get started on moving the tolerations out of the way so that you can move forward and start living the life of your dreams.

And one final thing, please share with me your success stories after you remove your tolerations. I would love to hear about your progress.

Warm Regards,

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

“And if your home is just another place where you’re a stranger, and far away is just somewhere you’ve never been. I hope that you’ll remember, I am your friend.” – Rich Mullins

Life-Changing Coaching by Paul Edward is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivative Works 3.0 License. .
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at Ozmo