When I was going through Marine officer training, one of the things we had to do was learn how to dig foxholes. For those of you not familiar with military traditions, a foxhole is a pit that combat troops dig to give them shelter from enemy attacks. My training course occurred in northern Virginia, during the summer, when it was not only hot, but humid. So digging anything was not fun. Being young and lazy at the time, I proceeded to dig a foxhole that was barely big enough to hide me from the enemy. I was standing there admiring my handiwork, my homage to minimalism, when old, grizzled Gunnery Sergeant Ford approached. He looked at my foxhole, which was really more like a scratch in the ground, and then he looked at me.  I prepared myself for one of his famous verbal reprimands. But he surprised me when instead of a reprimand, he crossed his arms across his chest, got this far away look in his eyes like he was remembering something important and then simply said, “Lieutenant, you never dig a one man foxhole. When the battle comes and the bullets start flying, I don’t care how tough you are, you’re going to want somebody there next to you. So the bigger your hole, the more support it can hold.” And then he walked away.

That lesson stuck with me. It turned out that he was right. When I was in combat in Desert Storm and the battle came and the bullets started flying, I wanted as many of my fellow Marines around me as I could find. So we dug huge foxholes and like the lyrics from Billy Joel’s Goodnight Saigon: “we held on to each other like brother to brother.” And together, we made it through that ordeal.

As I was thinking this week about the tough time that a lot of us have been going through over these past couple of years, for some reason I was reminded of the lesson that Gunny Ford taught me more than 20 years ago. Sadly, there is something in our American DNA that brings out the individualist in all of us. We try to do everything on our own—we love to build one-person foxholes.

So I thought it would be fitting to share with you what wise Gunny Ford shared with me in the forests of Quantico, Virginia: “Never dig a one-person foxhole.” When the oil rig blows up and your means of making a living starts disappearing, when you get laid off and you start falling behind in your bills, when your customers stop spending and your business starts to go under, when your parents get ill and your brother gets cancer, when all these difficult circumstances come your way, you’re going to need somebody there next to you. So the bigger your foxhole, the more people you can have in it.

Now is the time for us to come together to support one another. I invite you to open your eyes and your lives to the people around you. If you need help, ask for it. If you can give help, offer it. There are too many of us for any one of us to struggle alone. Let’s all start digging gigantic foxholes and make room for other people in our lives.

Please allow me to close with the quote that appears at the bottom of all of my emails. It is a line from another song, this one called What Susan Said by the late Rich Mullins: “And if your home is just another place where you’re a stranger, and far away is just somewhere you’ve never been. I hope that you’ll remember, I am your friend.”

Warmest Regards,

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

“And if your home is just another place where you’re a stranger, and far away is just somewhere you’ve never been. I hope that you’ll remember, I am your friend.” – Rich Mullins

Life-Changing Coaching by Paul Edward is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivative Works 3.0 License.

It’s official. According to the results of an informal poll that I have been conducting among my clients, family members, and friends, 2009 has been one of the most difficult years we have ever experienced. Thankfully, there are indications that things are getter better, at least economically: several banks have made enough money to repay their bailout loans, consumer spending is cautiously on the rise, and the stock market has made modest gains.

But for some of us out there, as far as money goes, things are still really bad: we still haven’t found a job, our homes are still in foreclosure, or we still can’t come up with enough cash to pay the rent. Or maybe things are good for us economically, but personally our lives are a mess: We’ve lost someone whom we loved very much, our marriages have blown up, or we just don’t feel like we are making any progress in life. It’s to these last two groups of people that I am writing today.

As this difficult year comes to a close, let me remind you of just one thing: today is not the end of your story. As I’ve written before, tough times have a way of blocking out the sunlight of hope and making everything around us seem dark and discouraging. And difficult days have a way of convincing us that things will always be bad. But today is not the end of your story. For reasons unknown to us, life is not always easy, nor is it supposed to be.

Consider a lesson from nature as told by C.H. Spurgeon: “See that creeping worm, how contemptible its appearance! It is the beginning of a thing. Mark that insect with gorgeous wings, playing in the sunbeams, sipping at flower bells, full of happiness and life; that is the end thereof.”

Perhaps this year you have felt like that caterpillar Spurgeon described, cocooned in darkness, with the pressures of life squeezing every drop of joy out of you, until there is nothing left but pain and despair. I want to encourage you to hang in there. Don’t give up! Your butterfly days are coming soon. Take a deep breath, calm your nerves, and don’t be afraid to reach out to those around you. We cannot make it through life on our own. We are hardwired for connection with other people. If you don’t have anyone to reach out to, get in touch with me. I’ll help you build your support network so that you don’t feel quite so alone. To steal a line from the Counting Crows, it’s been a long 2009, but there’s reason to believe that next year will be better than this one has been.

Wherever life finds you on this last day of the year, I want to wish you a happy and prosperous 2010! Thanks for allowing me to be a part of your life in 2009. May God bless you, your family, and friends.

Warmest Regards,

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

“And if your home is just another place where you’re a stranger, and far away is just somewhere you’ve never been. I hope that you’ll remember, I am your friend.” – Rich Mullins

Life-Changing Coaching by Paul Edward is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivative Works 3.0 License.

One of the reasons that I love L.A. is that it attracts people from all over the world. If you go into a restaurant near LAX or in Hollywood or Westwood, you will hear people speaking a multitude of languages. At the table in the corner is a trio of your men dressed in earth-toned t-shirts and slightly faded jeans. They are laughing heartily and speaking German. Across from them is a mother and daughter, sharing a salad. Mom is holding her little daughter’s hand and helping her eat croutons; all the while telling the daughter in Spanish how good the food is and how much she loves her. It’s moments like those that remind me how large the world really is and also how small it can feel.

What do you think?

Coach Paul
www.lifechangingcoaching.com

“And if your home is just another place where you’re a stranger, and far away is just somewhere you’ve never been. I hope that you’ll remember, I am your friend.” – Rich Mullins